Author Topic: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]  (Read 234 times)

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Offline Nafur15

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[ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 10:19 AM »
Author, Nafur15
Title, A Betrayal Most Sinister
Rating, R
Fandom - none
Pairing - none
Disclaimer, I Own EVERYTHING *manevolent laughter*
Warning: This story contains vulgar language, violence, domestic violence and a sad ending.
Archive, Ask please
Feedback, Constructive criticism is most welcomed, any and all help is welcomed.

[center:3jfreijt]A Betrayal Most Sinister[/center:3jfreijt]

I was bored, not a new situation, but rather something I had fiercely become accustomed to.  My friends had long ago went out to enjoy their Friday night with their girlfriends.  After ten minutes of them begging me to join them I finally gave in and told them to go have fun and leave me the hell alone.  Not that it had any real effect on them or their pestering.  They bombarded me with requests for another five minutes, saying how fun it will be, and how I could use the night out.  For the most part it was true, it would be fun and I could use a night out.  But all I could think about was her... evything thing I did reminded me of a time with her, everything I saw reminded me of what I no longer had.

It'd been three months since she left... three months since she stole everything that I thought I knew away.  Three months since she dropped the mother of all bombs on me... Four words that shattered my reality, destroyed my heart, and scorched my soul... four words... "She's not your daughter!"

Those words are seared into my mind, I can still hear her voice as she said them to me.  The pain and anger in her eyes that made those words so very real.  I don't remember why we started fighting, I don't remember why I was mad or she was so pissed off.  But I do remember the most excrusiating pain... the most hurt I've ever known... I remember the moment I lost my child.

"What the fuck is your problem?  Why are you being such a bitch?"  I spat the words out at her, knowing full well that it would only make her more angry.  But that was what I wanted, her anger... "Where did miss psycho come from?"

"Shut the fuck UP!  DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME CRAZY!!!" She screamed back.  That's right yell at me... get all worked up. "I fucking hate you!"

Whoa... that's new.  "Okay... settle down... sorry for calling you a crazy cunt... now just relax."

"You didn't call me a cunt..."

"Well I meant to!"

"You're such an asshole." Tears started to fall down her cheeks.  Her red cheeks matching her now puffy eyes.

"What's the matter?"  It used to be a game we played, we would start a fight about something stupid.  Then we'd start getting mad at each other, knowing full well that it was all bullshit.  But if you could do it right, you could get your blood pumping and get angry... the sex was amazing.  It was rough, loud, painful, sensual, and a hundred other things wrapped into a couple hours of fierce lovemaking.  But this time... it just wasn't right...

"Stop acting like a crazy bit..."  The full handed slap caught me on the cheek mading my world spin and bright colors flooded my vision.  Once I could focus again I looked at her with utter confusion painted on my face.  "Stop... stop right now."

I don't know what was going through her mind at that point but she palled up a fist and swung at me, her fist hit my ear as I turned away from it.  Pain... getting hit in the ear really fuckin hurts.  "FUCK... damn it woman... you need to knock it the fuck off."  Her next swing I side stepped and hooked her arm with my hand and pulled her arm behind her back and used my knee to put pressure on the back of hers, forcing her to the floor, slowly, carefully.  I put most of my body weight on her back, keeping her from moving more than her squirms allowed.  Calmly and quietly I spoke into her ear, "You need to stop, relax and stop this... okay?"  I was serious now, not angry, but getting there.

"Fuck you and get the fuck off me!"  She nearly screamed over her shoulder at me.

"Fine... be a bitch and fuck off outta here."  With that I let go of her and stood up.  She climbed to her feet and turned around to face me.  I just pointed to the door and spoke with dead calm.  "Leave and don't come back until you've calmed down."

"I'm taking the baby..." She took a step towards me.

"No you're not... not in your state.  Now go, relax and we can talk when you come back home."

"She's my daughter."  She took another step towards me, I didn't budge.

"And I'm her father... now fuck off outta here."  I didn't even blink as she screamed at me again.  I could hear the baby crying the other room.  "I'm going to see to my child now... go to Jaimies or something... I'll see you when you come back home."  With that I turned and headed to Leah's room... her cries begging for me.  I almost smile when I her Allison leave the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

'I did a bad bad thing... ba-dum-dumm-dum-dumm... I did a bad bad thing...'  A smile comes to my lips automatically when I hear the ringtone eminating from my cell phone.  I picked up my daughter, her head dropping onto my shoulder and crying stopped.  Turning around I head back to the kitchen with a now sleeping baby in my arms.  Picking up the cell, I flip it open and hold it to my ear.

"Hello..."

"Hey bro... it's me... something wrong?"

It never ceases to amaze me.  The connection my foster brother and I share it seems that fairly often we pretty much know what the other is thinking and often can tell what the other is feeling though we are not with each other at the moment.  Maybe it has something to do with our shared birthday... who knows.

"Hey, yeah... Alli just took off... she freaked out and left... you mind coming over and hanging out fer a bit?"

"No problem... we'll be over soon..."  There was a click before I could ask who "we" were.  But I figured he just meant him and his girlfriend Katie.  Little did I know he called the rest of out friends and before I knew it, my apartment was full of our friends and it became a little party.  Not a loud, brash, crazy party.  But just a movie and drinks among friends.

I had put young Leah to bed and was finally starting to relax when Alli decided to come home.  I was feeling a little tipsy, so I didn't really see the danger that just entered the room.  Standing up I walked over to her and she started to yell again... always yelling.

"What the fuck Duncan?  I leave for a couple hours and you throw a fucking party?!  What the hell is wrong with you?"

I just shake my head a little and try to defuse the situation. "No hun it's not like that... i called Josh and asked if he'd come over fer a bit and he called Kate and then everyone else came too."

"Bullshit, you're such a fuckin liar you mick prick."  She yelled, cursed, and hit me in the chest.

"Don't you fuckin dare say that shite to me you little cunt..." My irish accent coming in hard like it always does when I'm drunk or angry.

"Fuck you you bastard... I'm leaving... with my daughter."

Hearing that Katie and some of my other friends stood up and walked over.  "No you're not you fucking crazy bitch... you're not taking his kid away because you're nuts."

Alli just jumped at Katie, trying to hit her, screaming and kicking.  I just stood in the way and took the abuse... not really caring.  Once she stopped I looked her dead in the eye and told her, "You are not taking my child anywhere."

"She's not your daughter!" Alli screamed...

At that moment everything went slow motion, every breath felt like an hour, every minute a lifetime...  "Wait... what?"  I stammered... not even able to form a full sentence.

"She's not you're fucking daughter you asshole."  Thrusting a piece of paper at me, she then walked to the babies room and shut the door.  With trembling hands I read...

The person listed below:
Duncan Mulqueen is 0.0% chance the father or Leah Mulqueen.


It was a paternity test, she sent out for a paternity test behind my back and then slapped it in my face.  One moment I was a happy father, on my own feet, doing well.  The next... I lost my daughter, I was on my knees... with my world shattered.

Then there was blackness.
« Last Edit: Thu, Oct 23, 2008, 05:44 AM by Nafur15 »

Offline Montgomery Burns 13

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #1 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 10:32 AM »
Cool start. :rule I am intrigued.

Anyway, could you please add "Pairing" to your header?  And maybe a warning that the story contains domestic violence?

Thanks,
Monty (your evil fanfic mod)
Who needs love when you've got a gun, who needs love to have some fun. Black Flag
Feelings are overrated. Dean Winchester



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Offline Nafur15

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #2 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 10:38 AM »
Quote from: "Montgomery Burns 13"
Cool start. :rule I am intrigued.

Anyway, could you please add "Pairing" to your header? And maybe a warning that the story contains domestic violence?

Thanks,
Monty (your evil fanfic mod)


Monty,  there really isn't any pairing in this story... it isn't going far beyond here.
« Last Edit: Thu, Oct 23, 2008, 05:44 AM by Nafur15 »

Offline jobranham1964

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #3 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 10:45 AM »
that is soooo sad!  you paint his confusion, anger and hopelessness so well with your words.  well done, N.  
glad the headaches aren't keeping you from writing.

~courtesy of evilgrin~

Offline Nafur15

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #4 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 10:51 AM »
Quote from: "jobranham1964"
that is soooo sad!  you paint his confusion, anger and hopelessness so well with your words.  well done, N.  
glad the headaches aren't keeping you from writing.



Thanks... it was a dark day for those involved.

Offline evilgrin

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #5 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 11:23 AM »
good start, Nafur!
Even if the pairing isn't sexual, it's good to put it up there. Can you post a summary as well?
thanks :)
Elaine:)

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Offline Nafur15

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #6 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 11:47 AM »
Quote from: "evilgrin"
good start, Nafur!
Even if the pairing isn't sexual, it's good to put it up there. Can you post a summary as well?
thanks :)
Elaine:)


I didn't put a summary because that would give away everything, but if I need to I can put one up.  And there really isn't a pairing, sexually or not... it's just a short story about loss moving beyond it...

Offline Montgomery Burns 13

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #7 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 11:50 AM »
Maybe you could just write "Pairing: None" :grin
Who needs love when you've got a gun, who needs love to have some fun. Black Flag
Feelings are overrated. Dean Winchester



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Offline Nafur15

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #8 on: Tue, Oct 21, 2008, 12:11 PM »
Quote from: "Montgomery Burns 13"
Maybe you could just write "Pairing: None" :grin



Good idea.... done.

Offline spiffymac617

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #9 on: Wed, Oct 22, 2008, 10:10 AM »
This was just heart breaking, amazingly well written but simply heart breaking. great job, and i hope that the head ouchies stop soon


A big thanks to Evilgrin for the Rocken sig!!

Offline Nafur15

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #10 on: Wed, Oct 22, 2008, 10:27 AM »
Quote from: "spiffymac617"
This was just heart breaking, amazingly well written but simply heart breaking. great job, and i hope that the head ouchies stop soon



No headache today.  Thanks for the feedback... I know it's a sad tale.

Offline MAVDementia

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #11 on: Thu, Oct 23, 2008, 11:33 AM »
Explosive short story!  More of a realistic tale than a sad one.  Disturbing, aggressive and life changing events all in a heartfelt package.  Good job Nafur15!

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Offline NorthernLights

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #12 on: Thu, Oct 23, 2008, 05:17 PM »
Well done!

 :)

Offline karikocha

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #13 on: Tue, Dec 02, 2008, 01:34 PM »
Wow, harsh.

Great read.

Offline pattiglolt

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #14 on: Thu, Mar 19, 2009, 04:28 PM »
Is there more?
I am the ~*Greedybitch*~ after all

Offline NorthernLights

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Re: [ORIG] A Betrayal Most Sinister [R]
« Reply #15 on: Fri, Nov 01, 2013, 05:22 PM »